Herald Diary: Going from bard to verse


THE Scots are a group of poetic people who produced many of the best bards in the world, including Robert Burns, Robert Burns and – now who was that other? – oh, yes, Robert Burns.

In the spirit of the Rabbies mob above, the Journal publishes verses written by our readers, like the following ode by Gavin Weir of Ochiltree, which is about a jaded guy called Boris…

Oor Boris yes needs a little time off

So he leaves for the Costa del Sol

A luxurious blunder, paying would suck

But please NO photos

It would be terribly funny.

Money matters

SOME smart financial advice from reader Ronald Hodkinson, who says, “If you really need to get a loan, borrow money from a pessimist. He will never expect it in return.

Pizza action

THE ACTOR Craig Hill is an eagle-eyed observer of the shenanigans of street life in Scotland.

Describing a recent scene he encountered, he said, “It was only on the west coast that a wummin ‘could walk into the lobby of a hotel in the tae wan district in the morning shouting,’ Someone does he want extra pizza? I over-ordered. ‘”

Craig adds, “This other wummin said, ‘You’re like a medium, hen. I’m just saying I might just go for a pizza right no. ‘”

(And all lived happily ever after …)

Food for thought

WITH some spooky date getting closer and closer to the calendar, reader Patricia West says, “Make sure you buy your Halloween candy to give out early to traitors. This way you have time to buy more Halloween candy, once you’ve gobbled up the first batch.

Bow down …

WHEN Alfred Potter was 13, he decided to learn the violin and trained regularly in the room he shared with his older brother.

Alfred’s Bruv was a generous guy who never seemed to be bothered to often have to listen to a simple novice familiarize himself with a complex musical instrument. He even once offered the young maestro a heartfelt compliment on his playing.

“It was amazing!” he enthuses. “I have never heard such a precise interpretation of a cat mutilated by a lawn mower.”

soul van

WE imagine names to put on the side of vans. Ross Brennan from Aberdeenshire suggests that a vehicle used for garbage collection could be named after a famous American soul singer… Van Dross.

Don’t worship the doors

Gareth Jones, a career-conscious reader, says: “I used to work in a revolving door company. Then I thought, ‘This job is getting nowhere fast.’ ”

Read more: Etiquette, Tartan Army-style

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